Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Romney declares potatoes are people too.

Fresh off his emphatic declaration that corporations are in fact people, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney took thinks a step further today at a campaign stop in Boise.

"Listen friend, potatoes are people, I don't care what the FDA says."

Clearly baffled, Boise resident Jim Simpson pressed Romney to elaborate.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Mr. Romney?"

Mitt gave a wink and flashed a calculated grin.

"It's basic science, pal. Potatoes have DNA, don't they? They have skin. Heck, they even have eyes!"

Simpson shot back.

"But they aren't capable of rational thought."

Unfazed, Romney was quick to retort.

"Listen, chum, I haven't had a rational thought since I left Massachusetts. Some of my fellow candidates may never have had a rational thought. You don't see anyone claiming we're not people, do you?"

Simpson shook his head and walked off.

"Hey, where ya going, bro?"

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