Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Keep the life preservers on the boat

It's time for poor people to stop abusing the welfare system to get their fat checks and government cheese. Why don't they just get a job and stop sucking at our overly generous federal teat?

Everyone knows that the government should only be offering benefits to those who already have stuff. Got a farm? We'll pay you to run it. Got oil? We'll pay you to drill for more. Got a factory in India? We'll pay you to build 5 more.

Got a kid and nowhere to live? Screw you. And your little rug rat too.

You see, it's so much harder being a middle or upper middle class person in America. So we need to make sure those folks are well taken care of. Sure, most of those people have easier access to credit, better health insurance and safer neighborhoods. But fuck, they earned all of it through hard work.

Usually the hard work of their parents. But hard work nonetheless. It's not easy growing up on the hardscrabble streets of a mostly white American suburb. Have you seen Breakfast Club? Detention? On a Saturday? Fuck that's harsh.

So, it's only fair that those who own homes get a huge tax deduction. And those IRA contributions and capital gains should get favorable tax treatment as well, obviously. To the victors come the spoils, as they say.

But man, when some city dweller starts crying because they can't feed their baby and can't afford rent, that really sticks in my craw. You made your bed, now lie in it. Oh, that's right, you don't have a bed. Whatever, you get the point.

Think you deserve a better chance at the American Dream? Well, you should have thought of that before you decided not to be born in a better area with more opportunity. You should have thought of that before you chose to go to an underperforming elementary school. You should have thought of that before you surrounded yourself with adults who didn't have connections at good colleges and top companies.

And now, some of you want a handout? Some of you want to take advantage of the system and manipulate it to your advantage? Wow, you've got some nerve. Everyone knows that type of behavior is best left to the people who really need help.

Like bankers and car companies.

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