Monday, February 21, 2011

Republicans? How about Me-publicans?

I've decided to start a petition. I hereby propose, that from this day forward, the Republican Party shall be officially known as the Mepublican Party.

"Me" as in I only care about how government policy affects me.

"Me" as in I believe tax money should always be used to benefit me.

"Me" as in welfare is good for me (especially if I'm a corporation), just not anyone else.

"Me" as in abortion should be outlawed, because I'm an old man and it doesn't affect me.

"Me" as in I should be able to poison the environment, as long is it means more money for me.

"Me" as in I should be able to abuse workers and drive wages down, because it means more profits for me.

"Me" as in I am perfectly happy spending shitloads of money on wars and defense, because you know who's not getting killed over there? Me!

Any time a policy even hints at improving society as a whole, the Mepublicans start chanting socialism. Personally, I don't really give a fuck what you call it, I just call it doing the right thing. A little concern for our fellow citizens seems like a pretty good idea to me. We've got about 300 million folks sharing this chunk of land, perhaps we could give the tiniest of shits what happens to them.

But from healthcare to the environment to improving our roads and bridges, it always seems like the right lands firmly on the side of 'what's in it for me?'

Which is why it's not surprising that almost all of the states that receive a disproportionate amount of federal money compared to how much they pay in taxes, are red states. Sure they claim to hate all that "wasteful spending", but meanwhile, they're dancing around in big fat piles of federally tainted money sucking on the government's ample teat like it's an overstuffed crack pipe.

Oh, and by the way, you know who's paying for all that crack? Places like New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, California and Washington D.C. That's right, the home of the federal government is the place that actually gets the least return from it.

It's the most elaborate income-redistribution scheme ever created. And the Mepublican states are reaping the rewards.

So next time some conservative starts popping off about how we need to start tightening our belts and reigning in spending, tell them you agree. Then open your hand and tell them they can start by giving you your hard-earned money back.

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