Thursday, March 24, 2011

Our biggest health care problem? Bravado.

Ever hear someone brag about how they never get sick?

Don't you just want to punch them in the face?

Not because you're jealous or anything, but because you know they are flat out lying. Everyone gets sick. Even Oprah.

So why are they lying? Because they are too fucking proud to admit that their bodies could ever fail them in any possible way.

What's that Doug? A sniffle? Got a cold?

Nah, just ate something spicy, I'm fine. I told you, I never get sick.

Hey Sally, that's your fifth trip to the bathroom this past hour, got a little bug?

Nope, I just have really bad coke habit.

Hey Jeff, how come your balls look like 200-day-old honeydews? Might wanna get that looked at.

Eh, I just had some rough sex last night, the boys are probably a little overworked.

Interesting. So basically, you're all genetically perfect freaks who have never allowed a single virus, bacteria or fungus to slip past your magical immune system.

So who the hell needs a functional health care system? Getting sick is just a sign of weakness. And why should we pay for fucking pussies?

This false pride is the reason jackasses ride their motorcycles without helmets and everyone thinks they can shove 6,000 calorie, fat-laden meals into their faces every weekend at the Cheesecake Factory.

It's also one of the main reasons our healthcare system is nearly broke. Nobody takes care of themselves. And then one day they show up in the ER with their skull split open or their heart unable to pump blood through their twinkie-filled arteries.

If only there was some sort of system where everyone could see a professional each year who would take note of your well being and give you advice on how to improve upon it. A system that would allow people to recognize that too much pride may actually be harmful. A system whose cost was shared by everyone, because everyone shared the same goal of better health for all.

I've heard they have such a system in places like Canada and Europe.

Which isn't really surprising. Everyone knows those places are filled with pussies.

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