As I prepare to head to Arizona tomorrow, I can't help but dwell on the many ways that Mexicans have ruined our once great nation.
Ah, to live back in the days of our founding fathers, when the immigrants were white and the strawberry pickers were slaves. Good times.
If you were a cobbler, you didn't have to worry about Jose moseying into town and stealing your business. Well, you would if you were in Arizona, since Arizona was Mexico back then, but that's not really the point right now
The point is, we are a country of laws. And if the law says that harder working people from another country can't come here and take jobs away from people who don't want them anyway, well then, that's the law. And I'll be damned if I can't get pissed at those who break it.
Now, I know, some of you may be saying, why don't you get just as pissed at people who drive over the speed limit or smoke marijuana? They're breaking the law too.
Yes, they are. But they're probably speeding to get away from the gangs of Mexicans taking over their town. And who wouldn't need a little Mary Jane after some foreigner steals your job? Jeez, cut whitey some slack, man. He's not the enemy here.
It's these damned immigrants cleaning our toilets, mowing our lawns, caring for our kids, washing our dishes, plucking our poultry and folding our laundry that are the problem.
We hire these people out of the kindness of our hearts, trying to give the less fortunate an opportunity at the American Dream. And all we get is heartbreak in return. Imagine the shock a young mother in Connecticut must feel when she finds out Consuela came to this country in the wheel well of a '72 Chevy Bronco and not through the hallowed halls of Ellis Island.
It's time to build that damned border wall already. Build it so high its shadow stretches to the Dakotas. And send all the little Latin lawbreakers that are here now back to where they came from.
Except for Carlos, who works at that little deli down the street from me. He puts a lot of love into those turkey sandwiches he makes. And I'm not about to give those up.