Stop hiding behind the constitution

Used to be, you could count on republicans to hide their hatred behind the bible.

"It's not me who hates gays, it's the Good Book!"

"I don't want to treat my wife like shit, but that's what the word of God says!"

Ah, how I long for those good old days.

You see, now republicans have found a new set of words to follow blindly. And they hold even more power than the holiest of scriptures.

Right wingers have given up on the bible and moved on to the most sacred of all documents—the constitution.

"I don't want the poor to starve, but the constitution won't let me feed them!"

"I wish I could help those old folks, but the constitution says I have to let them die!"

"Sure, I value those who work hard, but the constitution says they should be underpaid and treated like shit!"

How do you argue with that logic? "What, you don't believe in the constitution? Damn, I knew you liberal pricks didn't liked God, but shit, you don't like America neither?"

Well, actually. I do like America. So much so, that I've actually read the constitution. And you would be amazed at the things it says and doesn't say.

For today, let's focus on the preamble (otherwise known as the beginning).

"We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

I've put a few of the words in bold because they seem to be the ones that get ignored by virtually every constitution worshiper.

Those 4 words give the federal government a lot of power. And they show that our founding fathers had the foresight to realize that the world would evolve in ways they could never imagine. They understood that people might have different needs in 2011 than they did in 1787.

Back in the day, each little community was isolated and not particularly dependent on each other.

In 2011, our general welfare is intertwined and highly interdependent. More of us work together. We travel the same highways together. We breathe the same car exhaust-filled air. We drink the same e-coli tinged water.

To promote our general welfare, it takes a coordinated effort. Lucky for us, this handy little document known as the constitution gives our federal government the authority to tackle this job head on.

So we have the EPA to help mange our air and water quality. Which allows us all to live longer.

We have government run health programs--like Medicare, Medicaid and The VA--which help those most in need get the care they deserve.

And we have laws to protect gays, ethnic minorities, women and others who continue to suffer discrimination at the hands of our most ignorant citizens.

No, you won't find the words Medicare, Gay Rights or Environmental Protection Agency anywhere in the 7 articles or 27 amendments to the constitution. But that doesn't matter. Because the spirit behind those words is right there in the first damn paragraph.

Promote the general welfare. That's just a fancy way of saying we are not all in this alone.

We are incredibly fortunate that the authors of our constitution were smart enough to include this language.

I just wish some of our countryman were smart enough to understand what those words actually mean.

Obama is not a liberal

I like Obama. He's smart, even-tempered and seems genuinely concerned with the state of our nation.

But one thing he is not, is a liberal.

Wednesday's budget speech proved this once and for all. Obama is a realist. He is a pragmatist. And he is also to the right of every republican president we've ever had, except for the last one.

Obama has laid out a budget that Reagan would have been proud to call his own. It relies heavily on spending cuts with only about 1/4 of the deficit reduction coming from the taxation side. For those Reagan worshipers who think Saint Ronnie never raised taxes, he did. Quite often actually.

You want to see a liberal budget proposal? Check out this one.

Haven't head about it? No surprise there. Our so-called liberal media hasn't reported anything from the actual liberal point of view in over 30 years.

But that doesn't make the ideas any less legitimate.

Is it really that radical to push for a progressive estate tax? Or for taxing capital gains the same as earned income?

Is it so extreme to believe that US corporations should actually pay a few bucks in taxes on income earned abroad? Or that oil, gas and coal companies should be weaned off the succulent teat of government subsidies?

Is it really nuts to put a small tax on financial speculation, so we can afford to pay for the next bailout when (not if) it comes?

Is it absurd to want a public health insurance option, to compete with overpriced private insurance? Is it extremist to try and stop drug companies from overcharging consumers? Is it kooky to try and ensure that doctor's are paid properly for their services?

Is it so fucking crazy to think that a country which pays more for defense than nearly every other country combined should try and scale back a bit? Maybe we only bomb every other country in the middle east.

And finally, is it beyond the scope of reason to think that in a country where more people have reality shows than actual jobs, the government should consider creating real work through investment in infrastructure and education?

None of that seems all that crazy to me. Especially when you consider it will all result in our deficit being eliminated in 10 years.

This is a truly liberal approach to government. And it's an approach that is not even being considered by our so-called 'socialist' president.

It's hard to blame him, when you see how much attention has been given to the 'conservative' budget put forth by congressmen Paul Ryan. This is a budget so callous and so unrealistic it should be dismissed as some kind of joke. In fact, it was released so close to April Fool's Day that many wondered if it was in fact, a hoax.

So, how can Obama be a liberal? It would be political suicide. Shit, you can hardly be a mainstream conservative anymore without being labeled a commie sympathizer.

Which leads us back to what Obama actually is—a smart guy just trying to do the little bit he can to keep the country from being completely overrun by extreme anti-government zealots.

Now, I realize that this measured, defensive approach doesn't have the bold, sexy appeal of "The New Deal' or "The Great Society" programs put forth by previous, more progressive, Democratic presidents.

But Obama's work may eventually prove to be more historically significant than either one. Assuming of course, that he actually succeeds.

Life, incorporated

As of today, I have officially changed my name to Tjack, Inc. And I have to say that so far, it feels fucking great.

I am no longer burdened by petty human concerns like empathy and compassion. And my urge to give a shit about the world around me has nearly vanished.

With this huge weight lifted, I am free to pursue what any other decent, god-fearing corporation wants—unbridled riches and a free pass from law enforcement agencies.

Now, I can piss in the streets with impunity. I can get drunker than a priest on Easter and fear no moral rebuke. And I can drive my car down city sidewalks to avoid traffic, without getting hung up on the whole 'I might kill a few innocent pedestrians' thing.

Yeah, this is living.

The best part?

I can funnel my cash to politicians, without limit, and they will rewrite the laws to make it even easier for me to make money. So then, I can funnel even more back to them so I can get even better laws written to help me make absolutely absurd amounts of cash.

We corporations like to call this the Cycle of Awesomeness.

If you haven't considered incorporating yourself, I highly recommend it. It is the only way to achieve real power. And and there is no high quite like the sweet buzz of unchecked authority.

So what are you waiting for? It's time to join the party. Say hello when you get here. I'll be the guy outside, pissing all over the flower beds.

Oh Donny Boy

I love Donald Trump.

He's brash, bold and lately, a little bit bonkers. Which makes for great entertainment.

But now he's scaring me. Because I think he really wants to be president.

C'mon Donny, you don't really think you're qualified for this shit do you? Yes, you've made a shitload of money. And yes, you attended some good schools.

But you do realize you're a clown, don't you? People like you because you are someone they can laugh at, not admire. You have a catch phrase for fuck's sake.

Hell, your hair alone should disqualify you for office.

But if it doesn't, the fact that you continue to support the "birther" conspiracy about our president absolutely should.

We expect this from the other GOP candidates. Shit, their collective SAT scores wouldn't get them into a decent pre-school, let alone the fine institutions you so proudly boast of attending.

But if you're going to tout your brain as one your qualifications for higher office, you have to show some proof that you actually know how to use it.

Which means this birther nonsense has to stop. You can't possibly believe that Obama wasn't born in the US. The evidence is overwhelming. And you have to be aware that the whole damn conspiracy is a tea party ruse to appease their racist membership.

So just drop it already. Unless you're content to continue to play the clown.

In which case, I say keep the crazy coming. Because you do it so damn well.

Put 'em on the table

One thing I've always admired about republicans is the size of their balls.

Big, tax-cut loving, government hating, god-fearing, war-mongering, stick it to the poor while jerking off the rich, balls.

And man, they've gone and whipped those suckers out again. And they are bigger than ever.

Congressman Paul Ryan recently released the GOP's blueprint for the federal budget. And damn if he didn't go and do exactly what the tea party campaigned on.

This budget is a radical departure from the status quo. It privatizes Medicare. It squeezes the hell out of Medicaid. It guts the tax code, eliminating most deductions. And it shrinks government to levels we haven't seen in years.

Now, I disagree with a lot of Ryan's proposals. It puts way too much of the burden on lower income people. And it removes government from roles I think are critical. But I have to say, I admire the shit out of this budget nonetheless.

Why? Because it is honest. The tea party campaigned on the idea of smaller government (except defense, of course) and now they are giving us a budget that reflects their beliefs.

It may fly in the face of most of their membership's economic self interest, but ideologically, it suits them to a tee.

It will eliminate health care benefits for many members, but it will get the government off their backs.

It will sap their savings accounts when they hit retirement, but it will keep taxes low for their theoretical millionaire friends.

It will put a college education out of reach for many, but it will relieve large corporations of burdensome regulations.

It is a true conservative manifesto. And I for one, thank Ryan for bringing it to light.

Now, it is the democrats' turn. Will Obama and the congressional leadership stand up for progressive principles like fairness, opportunity and shared propserity? Or will they do what they usually do, and present a watered down version of the Republican plan.

This is Obama's last real chance to show what he's made of before the election cycle heats up.

I never thought I'd say this, but man, I hope we finally get to see his balls.

To burn or not to burn?

You may have heard about this jackass pastor, Terry Jones, who thought it was a great idea to burn the Qur'an the other day.

At least 20 have died in Afghanistan riots sparked by the burning. This is tragic, plain and simple.

And as a result, some here have called for new laws outlawing such inflammatory (sorry for all the fire-related puns) outbursts.

I strongly disagree.

This bigoted little maggot needs to be exposed. And what better way to do that than by allowing him to broadcast his hate around the world? If we censor his actions, he will only find a more subversive way to spread his ignorant beliefs, which could incite much worse than what we've seen in Afghanistan.

Is the pastor to blame for these killings? No. That responsibility lies with the murdering thugs whose overreaction to Jones' stupidity was of epic proportions.

But Jones has plenty of blood is on his hands. He was well aware of the potential consequences for his actions.

Now, we need people here in America to be brave enough to shed a bright light on those actions without setting fire to our constitution.

Free speech is a messy thing. But it was included in our first amendment for a reason. A true democracy cannot thrive when uncomfortable ideas are suppressed.

Our founding fathers knew this. And many risked their lives in pursuit of this freedom. To take that freedom away would the equivalent of spitting on those brave soldiers' graves.

Which you're free to do in this great country by the way.

The race to the bottom.

Economist Paul Krugman wrote an excellent piece for the New York Times yesterday that explains the current Republican economic strategy. Essentially, they want everyone takes a collective pay cut so that companies can hire more people without spending more money.

Krugman goes into some pretty detailed economic mumbo jumbo that I won't go into here. But I will sum up his basic point for everyone:

The Republicans are fucking insane!

This is what America voted for back in November? A collective economic circumcision? C'mon everyone throw your foreskin into a big pile so we can make penises for everyone!

Not to mix my genital metaphors, but wow, that takes balls.

Now, if corporations were really struggling, I think we might all be able to join together and take one for the team. But corporate profits are at an all time high. And now they want more? At our expense? Didn't you just take off the condom from the last time you fucked us? Wow, big boy, you're ready to go again so soon? Damn.

Instead of reinserting your corporate cocks into our collectively sore asses, why don't you open up that overstuffed vault of yours and start creating a few fucking jobs? I realize you are perfectly content selling your shit overseas and counting the money back here in the good ol' USA, but wouldn't you like a few home grown customers too? You know how much we love to buy shit in this country. Imagine how much more of it we'd do if we actually had a little cash?

It's just a thought. I realize you will continue to do whatever the hell you want, since you are the ones in control of this country.

Just one simple request. Be gentle.