Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Life, incorporated

As of today, I have officially changed my name to Tjack, Inc. And I have to say that so far, it feels fucking great.

I am no longer burdened by petty human concerns like empathy and compassion. And my urge to give a shit about the world around me has nearly vanished.

With this huge weight lifted, I am free to pursue what any other decent, god-fearing corporation wants—unbridled riches and a free pass from law enforcement agencies.

Now, I can piss in the streets with impunity. I can get drunker than a priest on Easter and fear no moral rebuke. And I can drive my car down city sidewalks to avoid traffic, without getting hung up on the whole 'I might kill a few innocent pedestrians' thing.

Yeah, this is living.

The best part?

I can funnel my cash to politicians, without limit, and they will rewrite the laws to make it even easier for me to make money. So then, I can funnel even more back to them so I can get even better laws written to help me make absolutely absurd amounts of cash.

We corporations like to call this the Cycle of Awesomeness.

If you haven't considered incorporating yourself, I highly recommend it. It is the only way to achieve real power. And and there is no high quite like the sweet buzz of unchecked authority.

So what are you waiting for? It's time to join the party. Say hello when you get here. I'll be the guy outside, pissing all over the flower beds.

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