Tuesday, July 26, 2011

President, congress debate whether to kick or punch us in the crotch

"I tell ya, I've always been a fan of a good old fashioned punch.

A cheerful president Obama flashes his winning smile and takes a sip from his light beer as he looks across the table at Congressman Boehner.

"It just feels good ya know?"

Boehner surveys the golf course as he sips his gimlet. Life has never been better. For months now, he and the president have been playing their own unique game of chess. And it has been a blast.

"Punchin's great, don't get me wrong, but there's something visceral about a strong kick. When you feel that crotch meat envelop your toes, man, it's just the coolest thing."

Obama pops a few beer nuts in his mouth before opening up about his relationship with the House Speaker.

"Listen, we may have our differences, but there's one thing we can both agree on--the American people are hurting right now. Folks are out of work, families are losing their homes. I get it. Times are tough. But here's what they don't understand. There's no chance in hell me or Johnny here are gonna do anything to help. Helping average Americans doesn't exactly pay the bills, ya know what I'm sayin'?"

He and Boehner explode into laughter. High fives are exchanged. Boehner wipes his fingers on his tie and chimes in.

"Plus, it's just not fun. I didn't come to Washington to be bored outta my mind. I'm came to party. And there ain't no party like crotch kicking party cause a crotch kicking party don't stop."

Obama shakes his head.

"A crotch punching party is even better, John."

"C'mon Barry, You know you like crotch kicking the best."

"Ah hell J-Bo, you're right. I do like me some crotch kicking."

Boehner slides his chair back and starts to rise.

"Good meeting O-bombs, I gotta run over to Tantastic for a quick spray down, but we'll pick this up next week. And you're buying."

"Okay, but you take care of the tip."

Boehner shrugs into his blazer and grabs an olive off Obama's plate.

"Not a chance."

Obama smiles, yet again.

"Sounds good. See you soon."

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