Lack of adult supervision plagues Republican party

The kids are not alright. They've gotten out of control.

Republicans keep spitting out dumber and dumber shit. But no one is calling them out on it.

So who can blame them for keeping it up?

When a 5 year old craps his pants and his parents don't let him know he shouldn't be doing that, he keeps crapping his pants. Why the hell not! Mom and dad don't care! And it's fun!

So when Sara Palin said she could see Russia from her house and McCain did not stuff her into a cannon right then and there and shoot her back to Wasilla, she kept at it.

When Newt Gingrich called Obama a socialist, colonialist Kenyan and he didn't instantly get smacked across his fat, pasty face, he was encouraged to keep it coming.

When Michelle Bachmann said that homosexuality was the greatest threat our nation faced and she wasn't hog-tied on the spot and flown to LA so the entire cast of Glee could bitch slap her repeatedly, she felt affirmed and kept taking her bat shit pills.

So it was no surprise this week, when the GOP held its presidential 'debate', that the kiddies went on a stupidity binge. Let's lower the corporate tax rate to 25%! No, make it 15%! Screw you, commie, I say let's go to 9%! And let's raise taxes on poor people while we're at it!

And, so it went, until the so-called moderate Mitt Romney decided to bring the unrestrained dipshittery to a whole new level, saying that providing federal assistance to victims of natural disasters was immoral. When he was not immediately hurled into shark infested waters with a t-bone stapled to his scrotum, he left that debate emboldened, wondering how he can come up with even crazier crap to spew at the next GOP blabberfest.

Where are the adults? It used to be the republicans had some voices of reason to counter the nutballs.

Used to be, democrats also had a couple of folks with the balls to stand up for what they believe in.

Now? We are left with the kids running the kindergarten. The teachers as are gone, the principal is MIA and the parents have thrown in the towel.

I am begging the adults to please come back. The kids need you. Your country needs you.

Where is the real moral outrage?

Seems like the only thing you can get Americans upset about these days is sex. Weiner shows his wiener and we flip out. Arnold fathers a love child and we are aghast.

Meanwhile, we have politicians making decisions that actually impact our lives (no, a congressman texting his cock around the country does not impact your life) and no one seems to give a shit.

The republican budget in congress calls for cuts to programs that help poor people pay for home heating oil. Without these funds, people may freeze to death. That's pretty fucking immoral if you ask me.

But no one seems to care.

Their budget also calls for scrapping Medicare in favor of a privatized program that gives seniors a stipend to pay for health insurance. But the stipend is only expected to cover about 1/3 of health plan premium costs, so poorer seniors will likely forgo getting insurance, get sick, not see a doctor, and die. That's really fucking immoral if you ask me.

But no one seems to care.

Lest, you think I only believe republicans are at fault, let's take a look at Mr. President. Seems he let Pfc. Bradley Manning, a solider accused of leaking information via Wikileaks, be detained under incredibly inhumane conditions for nearly a year, despite not having been found guilty of anything. That's pretty fucking immoral if you ask me.

But no one seems to care.

We have both parties arguing over how much they want to cut social spending that disproportionately helps poorer Americans. Meanwhile, we continue to let the wealthiest skate by with record low tax payments. And many are proposing even further tax cuts for the rich, despite the fact that the wealthiest 1% have seen virtually all of the economic gains of the last 30 years. That's fucking criminally immoral if you ask me.

But no one seems to care.

Our elected representatives have sent thousands of American boys and girls (they are hardly men and women) overseas to fight in questionable wars. Many have come home in body bags. Many more have returned with debilitating injuries, both physical and mental. This is perhaps the greatest moral outrage I have ever witness in my lifetime.

But no one seems to care.

All across the country, average Americans are suffering. People can't pay their mortgages. Gas prices are through the roof. Jobs are nearly impossible to come by. Healthcare costs are out of control. College tuition is skyrocketing. Meanwhile, large corporations and wall street firms have received trillions of dollars in taxpayer financed support in return for their generous campaign donations.

But no one seems to care.

Why? Why can we only generate real human outrage when some dude pulls his dick out in the wrong situation?

I wouldn't care if every single member of congress started their day with a mass orgy, fucking every other member of congress, as long as they enacted laws that actually helped our country.

The president could stick his penis in every single willing vagina that came into the oval office, as long as he worked at getting our economy back on track and our soldiers back home.

But hey, that's just me. Clearly the private sex lives of our nation's leaders matters a great deal to most average Americans.

The sad irony, however, is that those same Americans are the ones who are actually getting screwed.

While you were staring at that penis

Some other shit happened. A lot of it actually. So I thought I'd fill everyone in.

In the past week, while most of the country was fixated on a congressman's schlong, the following, clearly less important things also took place.

About 900 Americans died because they didn't have health insurance.

A few hundred people died in Syria, as unrest in the middle east continued to rage on.

The people of the world continued to make the planet hotter and less hospitable.

Wildfires raged in Arizona, threatening residential neighborhoods and inching perilously close to a multistate electrical grid.

We escalated our bombing campaign in Libya.

We intensified drone air strikes against Yemen.

Another 427,000 people filed for unemployment.

We got another week closer to defaulting on our debt and hurling the country into another catastrophic recession.

The nuclear reactor in Fukushima, Japan continued to leak radiation, with no clear end in sight.

Unless Weiner has some sort of magical member that can make all of these problems go away, it's time for everyone, including our pathetic media, to pull their collective eyeballs off of that cock and start focusing on shit that really matters.

Nobel winning fry cook turned down by McDonald's

Steve, one of the leading fry cooks in the world, was stunned when he got the news.

"It's crazy. I studied at the best fry cooking schools. I've been mentored by some of the all-time greats and I've been published in all the leading fry journals. I just don't get it. It's like excellence in your field has become a liability."

When told that a Nobel winning economist from M.I.T., facing stiff opposition from Republicans in congress, was forced to remove himself from consideration for a high-level Federal Reserve governorship, Steve was quick to draw comparisons.

"Hey, I feel that, man. I get it. You spend your whole life at the top and then one day, bam! You're poison. No one will talk to you. I can't even get an interview at Jack in the Box these days. Fucking Jack in the Box!

When asked why he thought society was no longer interested in quality, Steve pulled no punches.

"People are idiots. They'd rather hire someone with no skills as long as they don't rock the boat, you know? Me, I like to mix it up. I double fry. I dabble in different oils. When everyone else is frying Idahos, I throw down with some Yukon Golds. Fuck, maybe I'm too much of a rebel for some people.

So what's next for the world's top fry guy?

"I may hang up the paper hat for a while. Give myself a little TLC. Then, who knows? Maybe figure out to be suckier? Dumb my shit down so I can appeal to the masses, you know? Oh, and I'll probably take that stupid Nobel Prize off the resume. Clearly that thing doesn't impress anyone anymore."

The Penis Mightier

In today's news, the latest jobs report was a huge disappointment.

Holy shit did you see that congressman's cock!?!

Companies created just 38000 new jobs, much less than expected.


Cock! Cock! Cock!

Economists fear we are in danger of dipping back into a recession.

Holy shit the guy's name is Weiner! As in cock!

Meanwhile, congress is playing games with American lives, arguing over a manufactured debt crisis.

Weiner! Weiner! Weiner! Weiner! Cock! Cock! Cock!

Leaving millions of

Weiner!

unemployed workers

Cock!

in danger of losing everything

Weiner! Weiner!

they've ever worked for.

Cock! Cock!

The situation

Weiner! Weiner! Weiner!

appears

Cock! Cock! Cockity cock cock!

hopeless.

Cock.

Reality check

We've got a lot to complain about in this country and I will keep at it for sure. But reading this today has given me pause. Whenever you think this country has completely gone to shit and we are doomed as a nation, be thankful that you don't live in Saudi Arabia.

Now, we could talk about America's tacit approval of this kind of behavior because our oil addiction keeps us tethered to this ridiculous, abusive and dangerous terror-sponsoring 'ally' and forces us to ignore their continued atrocities. But that's for another day.

Today, let's just be thankful.

How much money do you want to make when you grow up?

To paraphrase Vince Lombardi, money isn't everything. It's the only thing.

According to the experts, no matter what industry you're in, the only way to attract the best and brightest talent is to make sure you offer a shitload of money.

Most recently, I read a piece that said If we don't pay doctors a really high wage, the next generation of students will choose something other than medicine—like running a hedge fund or investing in tech start ups.

Seriously?

Doesn't anyone choose their career because it's what they actually want to do anymore?

I'll be honest, it kinda freaks me out to think that my cardiologist might be distracted by dreams of $1000 bottle service with the boys from Deutsche Bank.

I want my doctor to be that guy who is so obsessed with his craft that he actually masturbates to medical illustrations.

Listen, I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do with my life until I hit my mid-twenties. But never for a second did I base my thinking on how I could make the most money. Sure, I wanted to find something that could help me earn a decent living. But my main concern was finding a career that actually inspired me to go to work each day.

Have we lost that? Have we become so money-focused in this country that kids only dream of dollar signs?

I hope not. I hope kids still ask each other "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

And I really hope that the most popular answer isn't "rich".