Monday, June 6, 2011

Nobel winning fry cook turned down by McDonald's

Steve, one of the leading fry cooks in the world, was stunned when he got the news.

"It's crazy. I studied at the best fry cooking schools. I've been mentored by some of the all-time greats and I've been published in all the leading fry journals. I just don't get it. It's like excellence in your field has become a liability."

When told that a Nobel winning economist from M.I.T., facing stiff opposition from Republicans in congress, was forced to remove himself from consideration for a high-level Federal Reserve governorship, Steve was quick to draw comparisons.

"Hey, I feel that, man. I get it. You spend your whole life at the top and then one day, bam! You're poison. No one will talk to you. I can't even get an interview at Jack in the Box these days. Fucking Jack in the Box!

When asked why he thought society was no longer interested in quality, Steve pulled no punches.

"People are idiots. They'd rather hire someone with no skills as long as they don't rock the boat, you know? Me, I like to mix it up. I double fry. I dabble in different oils. When everyone else is frying Idahos, I throw down with some Yukon Golds. Fuck, maybe I'm too much of a rebel for some people.

So what's next for the world's top fry guy?

"I may hang up the paper hat for a while. Give myself a little TLC. Then, who knows? Maybe figure out to be suckier? Dumb my shit down so I can appeal to the masses, you know? Oh, and I'll probably take that stupid Nobel Prize off the resume. Clearly that thing doesn't impress anyone anymore."

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