Thursday, September 1, 2011

Eric Cantor refuses to pull mom out of the path of speeding train unless she agrees to stop wasting money on food

Representative Eric Cantor from Virginia is in quite a pickle.

His mom has slipped and fallen on the train tracks. Her ankle is stuck and she can't get up on her own. A 50-car freight train is barrelling towards her, just seconds away from disaster.

But Mom is a spendthrift. She buys food every week, giving in to her seemingly insatiable need for sustinance. And Eric just does not like this behavior. So now he sees his chance to set things right.

Mom needs a little help. Sonny boy gets to set the terms. It's a win-win.

All he's asking is for a little restraint. Perhaps she can cut out a few lunches each week. Maybe eliminate a food group or two. Or she could just skip breakfast altogether. See? He's willing to give her options. Why is Mom being so damned unreasonable?

Look at her, just lying there. Pathetic. She should be able to get up on her own, but she's gotten lazy and dependent on her son's help. That terrified look in her eyes is probably just an act to get his attention. Why is she so desperate?

The train is approaching quickly. There are only a few moments left to broker a deal. Why can't Eric's mom just stop being a glutton and get on with it? Why is she screaming like that? Why is she acting like Eric is the one who needs help?

The seconds tick by. The train is nearly upon her. The blare of the horn is deafening. It's hard to think clearly.

Fortunately for Eric, he doesn't rely on thinking to make his decisions.

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